Editors Note (I am just trying to be fancy since this is a one-woman shop): I’ve had a lot of thoughts on how I want to format this newsletter moving forward and I’ve decided to simplify into something more…readable? Clickable? After almost two years of newsletter producing the main thing I’ve learned is that A/B Testing is king. I’ll still have the occasional personal essay/roundup as a fun (mainly) email-only perk for my subscribers so make sure to pop your email below. The b-side is a passion project so it will always be free! Thanks for listening, as always.
Hi ya’ll, and thanks for tuning in to the b-side.
The worst kind of heartbreak is the one you forget about. One day, you’re looking into the mirror brushing your teeth. Something seems different and then you realize: once there was a before and this is the after.
Moments that neatly slice through your existence like a hot knife tend to stay with you. That’s how I’ve been coping with 2020. The reality of figuring out when will be the before-times and when will be the after. And how to know if I’m in the during.
I’ve been mourning for a summer full of rooftops and watermelon. Sticky pastries with the glaze that coats your thumb and forefinger. I keep thinking about this white bolognese I had last year, in August, that left a greasy gloss on my lips I could taste for hours after. I was happy, of course, be it from the wine or from the fact that it was the first birthday in years that I didn’t try to avoid. It’s the idea of losing a chewy pasta, a time where I could walk down the street without being told to “go back to China,” a time where I could watch someone else eat pasta in peace without worrying about the rest of our lives.
Anyway, let’s get to it.
what (you’ve) been smashing on repeat
Today’s feature comes from our lovely reader Yuqing!
Volta e Meia - O Terno
The title of this song from the Brazilian band O Terno can be translated as “Now and Then”. But it can also have the literal meaning of “A Return and a Half.” I showed it to my friend Adrianne and she hipped me to the second translation. It’s such a LUSH song with generous orchestral layers and grounding percussion and the lyrics are so beautiful and wistful - it’s about turning around again and again towards a former lover. It’s about tugging back against an uncertain future. During shelter-in-place I’ve been spending a lot of time in my memories, always returning to certain people and certain times. I have a pretty bad case of nostalgia. This song has helped me to accept that diagnosis.
I am not fluent in Portuguese - when I listen to this song the lyrics dip in and out of comprehension for me. Yet curiously I feel the emotional truth in full. There is also a stanza spoken in Japanese and one sing-sung (like he’s tiptoeing through a carnival) in Spanish. I’ll leave you with the lyrics of that stanza in translation:
“When the radio plays a love song / I believe the singer is speaking with me. / How does he know all that’s happened to me? / I change the station; still I am me.”
-Yuqing (or read this cool feature in NeoCha)
the playlist this time
Recently, I took a week off from work and I spent it staring out a screen door watching the blooms of a hydrangea bush shift from blue to lavender. I wanted to listen to something that felt like a breeze that walked by without saying hello. Phillip Roth’s “American Pastoral” came to mind, especially in current times, and I thought a summer playlist that works to shatter a little bit of the idyllic visions of the season would be appropriate. Life as we know it has come to a standstill, yet have we really taken the time to slow down? Take this as your reminder to smell the roses—even if you see them browning at the edges.
This playlist is an ode to the before and the after. Wear a mask and we’ll be there soon.
if you need to feel the breeze from a screened-in porch, listen to this.
In A Good Way - Faye Webster
“I didn’t know I was capable of being happy right now,” is the line Faye Webster opens with in “In A Good Way.” It’s a shock at first, a bold statement both stunning and sad in its delivery. She soon catches herself, coyly following with “until you showed me how.”
Webster has shown herself a master of the melancholy both with her album Atlanta Millionaires Club and with a perplexing style that twirls smooth R&B and slow rock into a soft serve that’s in danger of falling out of the cone. In “In A Good Way,” her voice quivers as if on the verge of tears but later sets you up for betrayal in repeating “in a good way” as if she doesn’t believe it herself. As she croons through the chorus singing “You make me wanna cry, but in a good way,” the second verse comes as a quiet confession “I know you've been having nightmares lately/And I'm sorry I fall asleep first” and the chorus returns with newfound regret.
Delicately strung, Webster spins an intimate tale of gratitude and forgetfulness. She makes me want to cry. In a good way.
Fun tip: the stunning visuals in her music videos may stem from her background as a photographer shooting rap royalty.
Ode to Artifice - Samia
Here, I imagine a universe where we can once again go to parties and feel the breathless suffocation of bodies scraping by. The joy of checking yourself out in the elevator door right as it closes! Of opening a door and feeling the sudden rush of stagnant heat! Of eyeing the good bottle at the open bar! Of walking into a swollen room!
But maybe, we got it all wrong. Maybe the best way to be alone is in a room full of people, and Samia pushes all the right buttons in “Ode to Artifice.” This indie bop track cleverly disguises its lyrics in a melody that takes me back to my teenage years; jumping around with the door closed as if I am the protagonist in my own 80s teen movie.
In an interview with Yahoo News, Samia explains further:
“The primary inspiration for this song came from being in social situations and wishing I could perform the way I do on stage. We conceptualized, based on that feeling, a fictional narrative in which my everyday self is desperately in love with and pursuing my stage persona.”
Maybe your best self isn’t your real self and we’ll all have to come to terms with how to smile, laugh and cringe again when everyone is looking.
“Keep it together for both of us,” she sings to herself, “I know I already do,” she croons back.
Ungodly Hour - Chloe x Halle
Here’s a little serotonin as a treat. Chloe x Halle’s newest album Ungodly Hour is a marvel and the Beyonce approved duo does not disappoint. “Ungodly Hour,” the title track for said album, is a song about knowing your worth. The song opens with “Hit me with your eyes/I ain’t ever seen that kinda view” showing clear approval for a newfound object of affection. Soon the switch flips. “We be talking all night,” they sing, “But I can tell you need to work on you, you, you.”
The song itself is groovy. The duo’s vocals move effortlessly through a Disclosure-made wavy beat that feels like being eyed through a crowded room. And the song does that, flipping the power dynamics saying “I don’t have the time/To teach you how to love all over again” because why is it anyone’s (especially a woman’s) job to fix someone that won’t fix themselves? The duo continues and harmonizes effortlessly while calling out “fuckboy” behavior singing
“When you decide you like yourself (Holla at me)/When you decide you need someone (Call up on me)/When you don't have to think about it/Love me at the ungodly hour.”
Something that always struck me about Chloe and Halle are their angelic voices that make songs about going out to the club seem almost sacred. Anything they touch not only turns to gold, but it sounds expensive. Now, going out to the club has become a sacred ritual that may never be the same. But at least we have this song.
여수 밤바다 (Yeosu Night Sea) - Busker Busker
This song is straightforward in both tenderness and regret. Beom-June Jang’s voice is the same, pulsing forward through each wave of “I want to walk with you,” then crashes into a rocky reality. What started as a small sign of affection is now a fantasy. A sign of what could be done and what can no longer.
Something about this song makes my chest tighten. As a listener, I feel like I’ve walked in on something I shouldn’t with delicate moments like “The sea/there is a beautiful story beneath these lights/I wanted to tell you/so I call you/“what are you doing”/I’m at Yeosu’s night sea.” While the video translates it as such, it might be more appropriate to say “The sea, a beautiful story is captured within these lights/I wanted to tell it to you/so I call you/”what are you doing?” you ask/Right now, I’m at Yeosu’s night sea.”
In that instant, I’ve lost something that I’ll never be able to get back. Maybe it’s the frustration of re-living a time over and over again. Maybe it’s coming to terms with a time you wish you could change but can’t. There are so many moments in life that feel like open-ended questions and this song seems to tug at all of them, bringing you to the edge of an answer but never the close.
Fun fact: The title of this song references the famed view of the Yeosu Sea at night in the Jeolla Province of South Korea.
k-pop updates…
Last week, #ARMYisoverparty trended on Twitter as right-wing conservatives attempted to “cancel” the fanbase. Shortly after, they retaliated and reclaimed the hashtag by flooding photos of their favorite boys and examples of their charitable actions.
“Do You Believe in the Radical Possibility of BTS?” is an investigation into stan culture, radical self-love and why BTS can be found alongside fellow internet icons Karl Marx and Liu Shichao.
Speaking of K-pop, the Korean Tourism Organization announced new survey results surrounding “Hallyu” (a term coined to refer to the spread and popularity of South Korean culture overseas) related tourism and found that “7.4 percent of all inbound tourism (i.e. foreign tourists) in 2019,” or roughly 1,116,422 people, was Hallyu-related. It’s an interesting display of how South Korea’s soft-powers work towards economic gain.
…& other digital good reads
Lio Min’s complex essay on transitioning and breaking up with “Your Best American Girl” is heartbreaking and empowering all the same. I’ve long been a fan of Min’s music writing and their Catapult column “Formation Jukebox” is one I follow religiously (Bonus: an interview with Rina Sawayama for NYLON.)
For Pitchfork, Noah Yoo wrote a comprehensive album review for one of K-pop’s original darlings, Seo Taji and Boys, and is key to understanding (Black) American influence on the Korean music scene.
“In a World of Playlists Driven by Algorithms, What Role Do Humans Play?” by Eda Yu for Pigeons & Planes is a great deep-dive into the role of personal taste in a landscape where equitable digital streaming and The Algorithm look to shape it for you.
Thanks for sticking around. I’ll also be attending AAJA Fest in August! If you’re going as well shoot me a message so I can say hi! ‘Till next time.
-jb.