Hi, ya’ll! Thanks for tuning in to this special Valentine’s Day edition of the b-side. If you want me to help you find tracks to love yourself, I got you right here:
Before we begin, I need to announce that the new Tame Impala album came out today and the song “Instant Destiny” is incredible. It’s about loving just because you can. About doing something wild (thanks to the power of love) just to feel free.
I'm about to do something crazy, no more delayin'
No destiny is too far
Kevin Parker, the mind behind Tame Impala, said this for Apple Music:
“In love and feeling fearless. Let’s be reckless with our futures. The only thing special about the past is that it got us to where we are now. Free from feeling sentimental…we don’t owe our possessions anything. Let’s do something that can’t be undone just ’cause we can. The future is our oyster.”
Which brings me to my next point: I love love. I used to throw myself into things (men, passion projects, books, pizza shops) like a runaway train because I thought that moment of collision between something just outside your reach and something deep inside you was love. To me, Love had to be violent before it could be tender. It had to carry you on a rollercoaster of emotions because how else would you feel.
A few months ago, I was hanging out with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time. “We don’t do enough self-care. We need to do more for ourselves,” she said.
I laughed, wine glass in hand. What does that look like, I thought to myself. “I like things,” she confessed, “I don’t want to admit that that’s what makes me happy but it is.” Later that night, on the metro home, I found myself scrolling through expensive skincare items wondering if I could justify this with “self-care.” Three days later, I bought one and…it’s been really great for my skin so I have no regrets. It’s because I love myself, I thought last week as I sifted through my finances for the month, that I went ahead and bought myself something yummy every day for a week. It’s because I care.
But that isn’t it, is it? Self-care and self-love are different. “Take care of yourself” is a phrase I hear often from people that love me. Is the care the one in “taking care of business”? Is it the finality of the care in “take care”? Is it like taking care of a car? Are the things I define as self-care—eating, sleeping, making sure the skin on my face doesn’t shrivel up because I have dry skin—just a more pleasant way of surviving? I’m not sure. But what I do know is that caring for something is so much easier than loving it. Caring is a loan. Loving is an investment. Mary Oliver says it best:
“You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.”
It’s hard to invest in something when you don’t know if you’ll get anything back. That is what love is! So I am trying—to be free from feeling sentimental; to do more for myself; to love what I love—which is love.
the playlist this time
Last year, I made a playlist about falling in love. This year, I’m making a playlist about being in love...with yourself! Listen in order, and then press shuffle when you want something new. Do what makes you happy when no one is watching.
what i’ve been smashing on repeat
Self Love - Dreamville feat. Ari Lennox, Bas & Baby Rose
A smooth and groovy beat and a chorus that says “self-love is the best love.” How do you love yourself and love something else? There’s a question this song tries to answer.
want to fall in love? listen to this
Key To Love (Is Understanding) - BADBADNOTGOOD feat. Jonah Yano
“Key To Love (Is Understanding) leaves little in its lyrics and pushes heavily on a groove. BADBADNOTGOOD’s signature breezy instrumental carries Yano’s voice like a nice, cool breeze. This track is less about what you think, but how you feel. It’s amazing how the song pushes and pulls in such a slow, confined beat. It feels ominous in a way that is hopeful. It reminds me of a mellow version of Marvin Gaye which is perfect for loving of any kind. In what lyrics they do have, the repetition of the title line makes you wonder (slowly, slowly) if you are on the way to enlightenment.
Flower - Johnny Stimson
“Flower” is a modern love song. This song is an intoxicating potion of luxurious falsetto with a pulsing beat that moves like a heart. It’s clear in its message—a desire to bloom into someone (take that how you will) and the ensuing anxiety after realizing “maybe this is more real than I thought.” It’s obsessive and loving and it also comes with a healthy dose of fear and self-loathing. In “Flower,” maybe love is selfish and not as blind as you thought.
Thank you for listening. I hope you’re able to find time to love the most important person in your life today—you! There are people out there that love you. Make sure you try to love them back.
-jb